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July 7, 2012 / Gul Malani

From Parent-Child to a relationship of Equals!

We become parents with the birth of our first child! The question is, should we ever stop being a parent? The answer is a firm yes, if we have the interest of our child in our heart rather than our own interest! The next question is, when? We have to become an equal from a parent as soon as possible!

Most parents think and act as if our child remains a child no matter how old it has grown, even if the child has grown up children of its own! Parents take on full responsibility to make all the decisions, give free advice, even tell grown up children who have started working and earning, what to wear, eat and drink, when to sleep and when to get up, where and when to go, to wash hands before meal times etc.! Such parenting, handicaps the child and makes him/her dependant on the parents!

So, what is the process of becoming a friend from a parent? Live and let live, (allow the child to live his own life as he would like to do) and allowing the child to be him/herself all the time! Sooner the better, but there is really no fixed timetable as this depends on the self development capabilities of each child!

The way is, to hand over decision making in regular and frequent intervals to the child based on his abilities that he/she is developing! The very first decision we can hand over is of eating; when and what to eat. This can be followed by what to wear, where to go, what to play, when to study and when to do homework etc. It need not be necessarily in this order! Slowly but steadily, we can hand over decision making for all his/her activities to the child. By the time the child is a teenager most of the decisions that affect him/her should be made by him/her.

Many mistakes will be made by the child, but let them be, and let him/her learn from his/her own mistakes rather than a parent saying ‘I told you so’! This will make the child strong and independent! Parenting is to make the child as independent as possible as early as possible too! Then the parents remain as very good friends for life with whom the children have very easy communication and a very healthy love and respect as well.

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4 Comments

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  1. shal / Mar 1 2013 12:27 am

    Just like how a lot of animals such as birds produce offspring – who they are responsible for till they learn how to fly; humans must do the same. In intent and action, parents must be aware that their role is to help the child fly and flourish – not for the sake of society, or how it makes parents proud – but for the child’s peace and joy. Parents role is not to cling or, or to raise kids with the expectation that they will take over the parents troubles, dreams, companies or wellbeing. A truly aware parent must be so aware and sensitive to the child’s needs and interests that the child acts out of joy, not out of the need for attention.

    • shal / Mar 1 2013 12:28 am

      A child who has grown up in a home of peace, love and joy will automatically radiate love and peace to parents and the whole world.

      • Gul Malani / Mar 1 2013 8:41 am

        Yes, that is true!It is up to the parents to make their home a place where everyone would like to return to re-energise and recharge themselves, a home where energies are not dissipated but assimilated!

    • Gul Malani / Mar 1 2013 8:44 am

      Very clearly and beautifully stated! Parents should let their children fly and when they fall they should always be around to care, love and help the children to recover and fly once again!

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