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July 12, 2015 / Gul Malani

Child’s Ego

Every child is born with a Subconscious Intellect, a grandiose power of energy, intelligence and capabilities. Initially all the child’s actions emanate from this fabulous Infinite Subconscious Intellect which has its source as the Universal Infinite Intellect!

The Subconscious Intellectual state is the same as the state of just Being and it is the real identity of every child. It is not unique but is very powerful and perfect and the same in all the children!

So, when the child cries for food, being wet or in pain, this crying activity is automatic from the Subconscious. It is not yet conscious of any of these internal or external situations.

As the child recognises its mother and that it is separate from the mother and other close relatives, its unique identity starts to develop. This is the beginning of the formation of the child’s Ego, an imposed or acquired identity which is based on inputs from its external world!

Soon, the child responds to the name it has got from its parents and begins to have a sense of being a separate individual, a sense of possession of its parents as well as objects it is associated with like toys, books, I Pads, etc.. The Ego is now in the process of being strengthened.

As the child gets compliments from friends and relatives for its external achievements wherein the parents highlight that the child is better than others, the Ego becomes stronger! Compliments like your are the best, greatest, smartest child in the whole world reinforces its Ego.

Then as a teenager and as a young adult, acquiring more objects and successes in the external world, the Ego becomes larger than life and then its processes of destruction of relationships begin. The first relationships to be under duress are with the parents who have lovingly brought up the child and helped it to amass such a huge Ego!!!

This building up of the child’s Ego is really unavoidable! Almost all of the problems in everyone’s life are a creation of its own Ego!

Is there a way out! We think there is!!

Instead of complimenting the child for external achievements of acquiring possessions, trophies and positions, the parents should help the child build wholesome inner qualities by suitably complimenting the child in instances which highlight the specific inner quality the child has acquired or built!

Start with Being Happy as the most important inner quality- Do say to the child that you appreciate that she is able to maintain being happy forID-100114904 Boy offers his Candy 070715 most of the day and that is a very important strength it has acquired!

Sharing– when your child shares a toy, game or a book with another child, do say that to the child that she/he has developed this good quality of sharing with others!

Loving- If a child has done well in an exam do tell her/him that he/she has learnt to love what it is doing and that is the reason for doing well in anything including the exam. If the child shows love for other people or objects do make them aware that you are appreciative of this love!

Honesty- If the child owns up for doing something knowing that the parents will be upset with it, then instead of becoming angry, the parents should compliment the child for developing the good inner quality of being honest!

Trust- Look for acts of trust that the child does and highlight to her/him that they have this wonderful quality in them

Inner Strength- Compliment the child when it is hurt and is able to cry and get back to normal state soon, all by himself

Forgiveness- Compliment the child for being friendly with another child with whom there was a fight in the earlier meeting

Decision making– When a child starts to choose its clothes or what it eats, do compliment her that she has become capable of making decisions on her own and that we as parents are accepting her decisions fully!

Communication- If the child says ‘Please help me get off the cycle’, instead of challenging, coaxing or forcing the child to get off by himself/herself, compliment the child for his/her clear and complete communication and respond to it by helping the child get off. It will help the child build its self esteem too, besides acquiring good communication skills

Memory– When the child can repeat what has been read or heard by her/him earlier, do tell her that she is managing to build herself/himself a good memory!

Reasoning-When the child reasons out a good solution, it is necessary to compliment the child for developing the powers of reasoning

In every external success of the child locate the inner quality that the child has developed which gave it the success and highlight and compliment the child for that inner quality! Comparisons with other children is not to be done under any circumstances, whether they are siblings or friends!

Conscious parents act as role models and so they have to display strong inner wholesome qualities, which our children will tend to copy and grow up as children who are strong from within. This inner strength not only keeps the child healthy and happy but it also helps the child succeed without much stress in the external world too!

Children of Conscious parents, who help them build good and strong inner qualities within themselves, will be successful, happy, harmonious, peaceful and without fear, anxiety and worry! They will have very little need for their Ego to help them succeed or protect them in the future! Hopefully, these children will grow up more Aware of their own Ego and its many, many limitations and pitfalls and lead a full life with very little interference from their Egos!

Image courtesy of marin at

We have been programmed in our Subconscious to find fault in others, blame others and then try and change them. This, we have picked up from our parents and persons close to us in our early growing up years till the age of seven. Such conditioning gives us an illusion of being superior to others as we remain unaware of our faults and the mistakes we have been making in our life and we continue to remain unaware that primarily, we need to change our own conditioning (Ego) and evolve and stop wasting our life on improving others. – The Totality 241118


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